How the fuck did that happen?
Seventy years without rappin’
I gotta lotta ‘xperience
Kids ‘n wives and some high fives
Blues and jazz, rock pop pazzaz
Countries too what about you?
Know what I mean where yer been?
Down in the mine up in the air?
I’m sittin’ on the beach
In my old armchair
Bit like old Canute, maybe more hair
But no rappin’ despite the waves lappin’
And the audience clappin’ while I’m nappin’
Seventy rap, such a load of crap
How the fuck did that happen?

Wadde say about life passin’ by?
Yeh that Lennon dude
Born to be rude
Died too young to be sued by the prudes
Gagging on a choko captured by a yoko
Oh no! It must be a joko
Made by a punster wearing a cloak
Twisting words like they was broke
I like his style one word at a time
No need to throat it ‘cos you can always use mime
Search for the meanin’ it’s right up there
It’s not a lifetime sentence
Or a breath of stale air
Seventy without rappin’
How the fuck did that happen?

I’m the hottest Grandpa this side of the Bronx
Remember Liberace, Queen of the tonks?
Life is a keyboard, black and white and flat and sharp
I’m a middle C, ageing like a whale
Looking for my Jonah (thereby hangs a tale)
Krill filtering teeth, eyes like buttons
Plumes of spume loom across the boom
Is it doom or a watery tomb or a new womb?
A beginning spinning out the spray?
Better go to church and learn how to pray?
Or pull out my wallet and give the man some pay?
Whichever way you look at nights all cats are grey
Seventy without rappin’
How the fuck did that happen?

Here’s my little secret
Marchin’ out a Egypt
Moses yakked on about a promised land
Over 25 thousand days and nights
On this earth has put me right
There ain’t no promised land
There’s no end to the sand
And an outstretched hand
Says we are not the damned
We’re part of a band
Seventy rap another voice slammed
And another and another well I’ll be damned
Can’t you hear the slappin’?
Feels like we’re rappin’
How the fuck did that happen?

Cremorne 2013