“You must fit deadlocks, lady,
To every external door
And bolts to the windows
On the ground floor

“The back to base alarm
Will need sensors to help it learn
And don’t forget the smoke detector
In case the hot chips burn

“ We’ll fix the alarm key-pad
Behind the umbrella stand
And, just in case, a panic button
Will be close to hand

“ Now she’s right for insurance”
The rep with pleasure grinned
“ Your house is like Fort Knox
All risks are underpinned”

Save two. Meeka and Neddy
Our pets for years to come
Who need access in and out
Even when the alarm is on

And so I remove two louvre panes
In the laundry and side verandah
Allowing their egress and ingress
Even if we’re visiting Uganda

The gaps I’ve made are very small
Hardly room to swing a cat
But jockeys are not very tall,
Could squeeze through. Just like that!